It's Thursday. November 21, 2019. I’m rushing around at work, trying to get myself settled at my desk. I sit and wait patiently, anticipating a very special moment; the moment one of my close friends walks down the aisle.
Not a typical moment you watch through a YouTube link, but it was definitely a moment I will never forget. As I watched the bridal party march arm in arm, paving the way for the great reveal, I could feel my eyes welling up. How I longed to be in that number. But stuck with work commitments, I became a conduit of regret. Not being present at this pivotal moment in my friend’s life hurt. A lot. I felt like I’d been left behind.
Although it was beyond my control to get out of work, I still couldn’t help but feel like I’d lost a huge part of my friend and didn’t even get to say goodbye.
This moment with my friend reminded me that relationships are tricky things to navigate, especially when we begin to revere them more than God.
Have you ever let a relationship with something other than God rule your heart? Whenever this distortion takes place, it’s our relationships that bear the weight. We load all our deepest longings on the backs of our friends, spouses, careers, and even our children; eventually, we end up crushing them with our expectations.
So, what causes this imbalance to take place? What is it about these relationships that make us ‘prone to wander’?
Movies like Pixar’s ‘Toy Story’ display these themes so beautifully. Feelings of rejection, jealousy, and the ever existential crisis are displayed through the lives of toys. The thought that we might be deemed unlovable or unworthy is far too painful to contemplate. This can lead a heart not fully anchored in the gospel to become slightly possessive and controlling. These emotions, at best, are displays of buried treasures, threatened to be removed. (Matthew 6:21)
Within every human heart is a deep desire to be seen and known. For affirmation and acceptance. When our heart takes a good thing and turns it into the ultimate thing, we live out the reality of the fall. God calls this ‘idolatry’. Anything can be an idol- even a close friendship. (Exodus 20:3, Ezekiel 14:3.)
“We are made from love, for love, and to love.”
The triune God, out of the overflow of perfect, abundant, life-giving love, created mankind in His image. (Genesis 1:26-27.) We were made for relationship.
In creation – this expression of love – we see an invitation into a relationship that existed before time. This relationship was later marred through the seduction of something good becoming ultimate. This act of disobedience severed a perfect union. Once freedom and intimacy left, shame and separation entered.
The danger in elevating anything above God leads us to a deadly addiction filled with control and emptiness. Can we endure this toxicity and still enjoy God’s good gifts?
“Our problems have everything to do with sin, and our potential has everything to do with Christ. ”
At the cross, we witness the intersection of Christ’s beauty confronting our brokenness, our disobedience, and our idols, in order to restore us back into a relationship with him.
Jesus took on the weight of our sin, and it crushed him. God's wrath, stirred up by our spiritual infidelity, was fully satisfied. Jesus’ resurrection grants us the ability to love Him rightly and see our idols for what they really are; mirages, broken cisterns, stumbling blocks that although seductive, will never truly satisfy. This is good news!
Much of our disappointment and heartache is a result of our many attempts to find fulfillment from relationships that we already have in Christ.
The gospel is the gift of a grace-filled relationship. An eternal covenant that is strong enough to carry us, rich enough to satisfy, and pure enough to sanctify. Although we are free from sin, power, and penalty, its presence is still very evident amidst our relationships. Its shape-shifting nature and hidden agenda can cause us to mishandle and exploit each other, hindering our relationship with God. Relationships, on this side of glory, will be messy, inconsistent, and beset by temptation. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we are taught how to steward these gifts in light of the gospel. We are recipients of His grace, instruments of his mercy, and dependant on him to do what we cannot do by our own strength: love one another.
Although I missed my friend's wedding day, I am so grateful to witness their covenant being lived out. They are a tangible reminder of a marriage yet to come. A foreshadow of the glorious union that awaits us. Amidst the brokenness of relationships and seasons of loneliness, I am constantly met with the satisfyingly sufficient saviour that calls our fearful hearts to wade deeper. To uncover a cosmic intimacy. An imperishable treasure. A good and perfect gift.
‘Our hearts are restless
Until they find rest in You
Our hearts are restless
Until they find rest in You
This is where my hope lies
This is where my souls sighs
I will always find my rest in You.’
–Rest in You by All Sons & Daughters
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Writer Bio:
Sarah Amankwah is an actress and spoken word poet based in London, England. In her 10+ year career as an actress, Sarah has been a part of productions such as ‘Henry V’, ‘The Lion King’, ‘World War Z’, and much more.
Photo by Adnan on Pexels
Read more work like this when you purchase Issue 2: Beauty in Brokenness of Resolute Magazine.