I don’t dare turn over

to the side 

where he once slept

and dreamt

of escaping the

responsibility

of me.

Nights are long

and quiet.

My mind silences my body,

my eyes,

when they want to 

be weak

and wet my pillow.

I throw away the

pictures,

his letters,

as I laugh

and feel nothing.

Always on the move

But when I get home,

the stillness

unnerving,

smothers

the memories

we created.

“She must be so sad.”

you say, as you

clutch onto your husbands,

thanking God your lives

don’t mirror mine.

But I’ll tell you one thing….

The empty recliner

dinners by myself,

the bare walls where 

his pictures once hung.

I’ll take all of it

because when I am alone

there’s no one to call

me ugly.

—

Writer Bio:

Kristina Rivera is a writer based in Chicago , IL. She is a breast cancer survivor that is passionate about professing God’s goodness through suffering and creating safe spaces for women to congregate and share their struggles. Writing helps remind her that although life is hard and unclear, God’s love is never failing and she hopes to encourage and embolden others to believe this as well.

Photo by Ksenia Chernaya on pexels.

Read more work like this when you purchase Issue 2: Beauty in Brokenness of Resolute Magazine.